what is and what should never be
by rachelbee21
Summary: For the Septober prompt fill on TFP: Halloween. The Lifeboat malfunctions on Halloween and the team is treated to their worst fears.


**Warning: minor major character death, but literally for three seconds, and not real. This is for the TFP Septober prompt for Halloween. Everyone else did cute stories; I embraced the horror of the holiday.**

* * *

The first thing that Lucy notices as the Lifeboat lands back in the present day of October 31st, 2017 is that her mouth suddenly feels dry, like it's been stuffed chock full of cotton balls and not the little hard candies she'd been popping all morning before Emma had taken the Mothership out. Her hands feel far away as she slumps against her headrest. Across from her, she can see Wyatt having a similar reaction and before she can even begin to worry, she's slipping into unconsciousness, her head lolling back.

She's standing in 1969, watching Rufus threaten one of Flynn's henchmen, Anthony standing beside him. Rufus' grip on the gun in his hand wavers, but only for a second, then he's firing a bullet into the man's chest. Lucy gasps, clutching Katherine's arm in shock as she watches the man crumble.

But, Rufus doesn't stop there.

Next, he turns back to Anthony and without warning fires a shot into his chest next, not even blinking as the bullet leaves the chamber. Anthony glances down at the wound in shock, gasping out Rufus' name as he, too, crumbles to the ground.

That wasn't right. That didn't happen.

Lucy shakes her head, confused, and then the scene changes. She's outside in the snow, watching Wyatt argue with Bass Reeves as he aims a gun at Jesse James, the gun shaking in her hand as she prepares to take her first life. A hand on her shoulder stops her, and she turns to find Rufus. Only, he doesn't _look_ like Rufus. His stare is cold and calculating as he wordlessly takes the gun from her hands and quickly cocks it, aiming down for Jesse. He pulls the trigger without another thought, and when Wyatt and Bass turn to stare at him in shock, he merely shrugs and hands the gun back to Lucy.

Lucy nearly drops the gun in confusion, but Wyatt catches it quickly, staring off after Rufus as he trudges back through the snow toward the cabin. He nudges her arm slightly, nodding in their friend's direction.

"I'm worried about him," he murmurs, but his voice seems far away, almost as if he's speaking from underwater, and the scene changes again, shapes morphing all around Lucy until she's in a completely new place.

She doesn't recognize this scene. She's dressed in a gown fit for a queen, and her hair is expertly styled to match, piled up on top of her head with a few stray curls framing her face. She's sitting rigid in a chair - a throne, she realizes - next to a young man whom she does not recognize at first. With a start, as the pieces begin to solidify right in front of her eyes, she realizes she's sitting next to the incredibly young King Henry VIII.

"Speak," he calls out, his voice still young, but bearing power. He can't be more than twenty-five, and Lucy glances around her area with a furrowed brow; if he was twenty-five, he should still be married to Catherine. Why is she in Catherine's spot on the throne?

A peasant kneels in front of them, begging for food and water after the birth of his newborn daughter. He explains how he was left alone after his wife died in childbirth, and was forced to cease working in order to care for the girl.

Henry winces at the story, not seeming sympathetic in the slightest, but glances at Lucy and smiles briefly at her. "What say you, my sweet?" he asks her, his tone teasing, and Lucy realizes that she must be one of Henry's many mistresses. "You expressed interest in what I do. This, here, is what I do. What might your thoughts be?" he prods, leaning closer to her. His breath mingles with hers and his gaze darts down to her lips.

"Sir," she murmurs, turning back to the poor man kneeling before her as if she's more important than he is. "You may have what you wish," she decides, her voice firm and demanding. Henry leans back in his seat, clearly shocked by her exhibition of power, but nods all the same, and the peasant man leaves in a hurry.

"Splendidly done, my dear," Henry compliments her, though the timbre of his voice doesn't exude the happiness or pride he claims. "Perhaps your 'friends', as you call them, are safe, after all. You have embraced your new life quite well."

Oh. Lucy was here against her will. He must have had Wyatt and Rufus locked up somewhere. She nods silently, secretly relieved that she's not willingly sleeping with the man beside her. Wyatt and Rufus will come for her soon, she reminds herself, and gratefully settles back into her chair, trying to relax as the next peasant is brought before her and the king.

The peasant doesn't get to say his piece, though, for as soon as he's knelt, the unmistakable sound of a gun firing startles everyone to their feet. Lucy's frantically searching the wings of the hall, waiting for Wyatt to pop out and reach for her, pulling her away to safety, taking her with him back to the Lifeboat.

But, he's not there.

Instead, Henry reaches for Lucy, dragging her behind the thrones, throwing her into the arms of his servant. Henry crouches behind the throne and Lucy frowns as he pulls his own gun from the pocket of his robes, quickly loading the clip.

 _That_ definitely wasn't right.

Henry peers out from behind the throne as Lucy watches helplessly, firing out into the open hall every few minutes. She can hear men falling down, dead, and bites her lip to quell the tears of anguish at the thought of one of them being part of her team.

The man holding her is the next to die.

The gunshot goes off right by Lucy's ear, and she's so shocked that she screams. Strong arms haul her up and she's tossed away, into the arms of someone else. She looks up and is thrilled to see it's Wyatt that she's been thrown to and immediately winds her arms around his neck in relief. He hugs her close, his gaze locked on Rufus as he takes down more men, his face expressionless.

"Rufus," Wyatt calls out over the deafening sound of gunfire. Rufus either doesn't hear or isn't paying attention, because now he's stopped in front of the peasant from earlier, holding the barrel of the gun to the man's head. "Rufus, we've got Lucy. Let's go," Wyatt calls out again. Rufus glances back at them, then back to the man.

The gun goes off and Lucy flinches in Wyatt's arms, shutting her eyes as she whimpers into his neck. Wyatt's arms tighten around her as he swiftly puts his gun away.

"Rufus," Wyatt calls again, louder this time. "Come on, man, just put it down. We don't need to kill anymore people." Rufus turns to them, then, and Lucy realizes with a gasp that she hardly recognizes the man standing a few feet away from them.

He's not Rufus, anymore.

Rufus shakes his head, aiming the gun at both Lucy and Wyatt, now. Wyatt acts quickly, shoving Lucy back behind him as he pulls his gun out of his holster and shakingly aims it at Rufus.

"Hey, man, don't do this!" Wyatt bellows across the room, but Rufus can't hear him. He's not listening to anything. He knows only the cold metal in his grip, the feel of the safety clicking away, the rush of adrenaline as he pulls the trigger on his two former friends.

Wyatt ducks just in time, grabbing Lucy by the waist and hauling her away from harm's way. They stand in the wings, waiting for Rufus to follow them, to come after them in his deranged state, but he merely nods satisfactorily and pockets his gun without a word. Lucy and Wyatt watch as he turns and exits the hall, not bothering to glance at the many bodies he'd dropped.

The scene changes again, and Lucy and Wyatt are in the Lifeboat with Jiya. Wyatt is explaining what happened, and Jiya is nodding solemnly as tears stream down her cheeks.

"I suspected as much," she admits to them. "He stopped worrying about Rittenhouse a few months ago. I think he might be on their side, now." Lucy's heart sinks with that knowledge and Wyatt reaches out for her in his need for comfort, as much as he needs to comfort her.

He'd killed too many people.

They had lost Rufus.

* * *

Wyatt's not too keen on landing in the Lifeboat to begin with, but as soon as they land back in the present, he knows at once that something about this is different. His mouth is dry and cottony and he can't seem to get a grip on his restraints. Lucy's fading fast in front of him, and when he tries to call out for her, tries to claw at his seatbelt to get to her and find out what's wrong, his hands are sluggish in response. He slumps back against his seat as he watches her head loll back against the headrest, and he, too, slips into unconsciousness.

He's in the woods with Bass Reeves, arguing about what they'll do when Jesse James makes an appearance. It's been the same song and dance for the past few hours, now. Wyatt is convinced that Jesse James needs to die, in order to protect history, but Bass doesn't understand that. Of course, he can't, Wyatt knows. He can't know how history will change because Wyatt's history is Bass' present; he can't possibly know what will happen if Jesse James survives this battle and continues to wreak havoc among more people who weren't meant to die at his hand.

He figures Lucy would be on his side, but she's been quiet. He learned earlier that she's been stewing in her own personal problems, regarding that of her sister and a forgotten birthday. She's in the cabin, now, with Rufus and Grant.

"He deserves to be put to justice," Bass is arguing with him, again, and Wyatt sighs, exasperated. That's when he hears it. The telltale sound of a boot crunching in the snow. Both Bass and Wyatt reach for their guns, cautiously creeping around.

It happens so fast.

Jesse emerges from the trees ahead of them, and the cabin lights up as he pumps a round of bullets into the hideaway. Wyatt feels rather than hears the scream that wrenches out of him as he rushes to the cabin, to his team. He's not even paying attention to Bass and his showdown with Jesse. All he sees is red as he enters the cabin and his gaze sweeps the room.

Rufus is kneeling beside Grant, and they're both worrying over someone covered in blood. Wyatt's heart plummets to his stomach as he falls to his knees.

"Lucy," he gasps out as he reaches out, cradling her head in his hands, pulling her into his lap. He knows she's already gone, but he still tries to staunch the bleeding.

"This is your fault," a voice murmurs from above him, and Wyatt looks up to see none other than Benjamin Cahill standing over him, looking down at Lucy. Wyatt glances down and Lucy's still in his arms, but they aren't in the cabin anymore. Rufus and Grant are nowhere to be found, and Lucy's dressed in an outfit much more accustomed to their present day. There are no gunshot wounds, but her skin is ice cold against his. "You can't be there to protect her forever, Wyatt." Wyatt flinches at that and looks back up at Cahill, glaring. "Hate me all you want, but the only way to keep my daughter safe is to hand her over to me."

"Over my dead body," Wyatt grits out, tightening his hold on Lucy. Cahill crouches down beside him, reaching out to brush a lock of hair from Lucy's face.

"Don't you mean over hers?" he asks, his voice cold. "This is what happens when you interfere with fate, Wyatt. We thought you'd learned once you lost Jessica," he pauses and Wyatt stiffens at the mention of his late wife. "Clearly, you still have some learning to do." Cahill stands and begins walking away.

"Wait," Wyatt calls out, and Cahill pauses, turning around. "This isn't real, right?" he asks, pleads for the assurance that Lucy is alive and well. "Lucy's not really…" he can't even choke out the words. Cahill smiles gently and shakes his head, and Wyatt is so overcome with relief that he slumps against the wall of the white room they've been sitting in. Lucy tumbles out of his arms and he watches as she disappears into thin air. "What is this? What are you doing?" he bites out as he stares at the space just occupied by Lucy's broken body.

"I'm warning you," Cahill replies simply, as if he's answering a question about whether it will rain later. "This may not be your reality at the moment, but it will be your reality unless you let Lucy fulfill her destiny as the heir to Rittenhouse."

"What happens?" Wyatt asks, in spite of his better judgment. He knows that if Lucy were really here, she'd chastise him for even entertaining the idea of believing her biological father. But, he has to know. He needs to know what alternatives lie ahead if it means saving Lucy.

The scene changes, and they're back in that cabin, only it's not Lucy's body he's kneeling next to, it's not Lucy's head pulled up into his lap. It's another woman's, and he doesn't feel quite as much of an attachment to this one. She has long brown hair and olive skin, and her green eyes are wide open. Rufus is the one that reaches over and slides them closed while Grant folds her hands on her chest, so she looks like she's sleeping.

Wyatt's aware of the tears pouring from his eyes, but he feels no connection to this woman. He's never seen her before in his life.

"That's two historians we've lost, now," Rufus remarks solemnly, and Wyatt looks up at him, nodding slowly as he realizes that she must have been Lucy's replacement.

"Where's Lucy?" he asks suddenly, and Rufus frowns at him, affronted. "I'm a little out of it, just humor me. Where is she?"

Rufus' gaze doesn't leave Wyatt's as he points outside. Wyatt frowns as he gently shifts the woman's head from his lap and stands to peek out the window.

Lucy is standing beside Flynn with a gun resting on her shoulder, surveying the area. Wyatt crouches low behind the window as her gaze sweeps over the cabin.

"Think they survived?" she asks, but it doesn't sound like her. Her voice is hard, battle-worn, and Wyatt's heart aches at the thought of what this Lucy must have been through to make her sound that way, what must have snuffed the bright light out of her so diligently. Flynn shrugs, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her away into the trees.

"Does it matter? We have work to do," he reminds her, and Wyatt watches in shock as Emma approaches from the trees. Without a word, both women turn on Flynn immediately, and he watches as Emma forces him to his knees, shoving him into the snow. She pistol whips him for good measure, then turns to Lucy.

"Nice job, Miss Preston," she compliments Lucy, who nods, smirking. "Your father would be proud." Lucy scoffs at that, and Wyatt holds onto the sliver of hope that she's not as far gone as she seems.

"My father _is_ proud," Lucy corrects her as she and Emma traipse off into the woods, towards the Mothership.

That sliver evaporates as quickly as Lucy leaves the scene of the crime.

* * *

The Lifeboat begins shaking more so than usual, and Rufus quickly tries to get a handle over the controls. He should have known better than to go out on a mission on freaking Halloween; he'd seen horror movies. Something had gone wrong with the Lifeboat, and now this was how they'd die. He struggles to guide the Lifeboat into a safe, gentle landing.

They land, not gently, but safely, and Rufus is partly relieved when he feels a strange sense wash over him. His mouth is dry and tasteless and his eyes are beginning to water. He tries to turn in his seat as he hears Lucy slump further into her chair.

"Wyatt," he gasps out as his vision begins to blur. He sees Wyatt pass out as well, his hand outstretched toward Lucy's, and then Rufus' vision completely blacks out, leaving his world in darkness.

He's sitting in Portola's on a barstool, and Wyatt is sitting next to him, not touching the glass of whiskey the bartender placed in front of him an hour ago. It's unlike Wyatt to leave alcohol untouched for so long, so Rufus knows something insane is coming when Wyatt turns to him with a wild look in his eyes.

"I want you to help me steal the time machine to save Jess," he murmurs under his breath, and Rufus stiffens, his eyes wide. Wyatt counters his arguments, stating that he has no one, and Rufus resists the urge to legitimately smack him upside the head because he _knows_ that's not true: Wyatt has Lucy. There is no denying that, even if it's not romantic, there's a sort of bond between those two - hell, between all three of them - that is rivaled by nothing else.

Then, Wyatt turns back to him with the desperate plea for Rufus to help him save his wife, and Rufus can't say no.

They plan it all out, and when Rufus suggests bringing Lucy, Wyatt is adamant that she stays as far away from this as possible. He doesn't want to put her in any danger. It's Rufus who suggests that she can help cover for them, she can report them so she's safe from being listed as an accomplice, but maybe give them a bit of a head start. Wyatt reluctantly agrees and Rufus offers to tell her himself.

Wyatt waves that idea off, saying it'll be better coming from him.

The mission is a blur, one wrong thing happening after another, and ends in the untimely death of Wes' father. But, Wes is never born, and Wyatt returns home with the glimmer of hope that Jess will be there waiting for him.

It physically pains Rufus to watch that hope be snuffed out so quickly with a few simple words: "Jessica's still dead."

Wyatt's dragged away before either he or Lucy can reassure him that they'll find another way to bring her back, that they'll all figure this out together, like the little dysfunctional family they've quickly become in just a few months. He's locked away in an undisclosed location, and while he and Lucy quietly debate breaking him out, they agree that Wyatt would be the most likely of the three of them to break anyone out, including himself. Lucy worries endlessly that he won't even want to leave, that he'll assume he deserves punishment, but Rufus knows better.

He saw the relieved look on Wyatt's face when they opened the door to the Lifeboat and Lucy was standing there with a tablet, knowing who they were.

That had been one of the things they'd discussed at Portola's that evening: if Lucy doesn't come with them, what if they change history so much that it affects her?

Wyatt had vowed that she wouldn't forget them, that there was nothing they could change so much that she wouldn't remember. Rufus knew he was just as afraid, though, and he wondered if that was why he'd opted to tell Lucy himself - so he could say goodbye to her, just in case.

When they finally get Wyatt back, Lucy's the first person he runs to, and Rufus doesn't miss the way he holds her tighter, rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her as she cries into his shoulder. Rufus knows how worried Lucy was, but can see the anguish drain from Wyatt's face as soon as he sees her.

Honestly, Rufus knows he should see it coming.

The scene changes and he already knows what will happen before it does. He, Lucy, Wyatt, and Flynn are all tied up and Emma is pacing back and forth in front of their chairs. Benjamin Cahill is off to the side, and Lucy is unconscious, her head slumped down to her chest. Wyatt's struggling against his bindings, trying to get to Lucy. Cahill is smirking in the corner.

"I thought you'd learned your lesson by now, Mr. Logan," Cahill taunts as he circles back toward Lucy. He places a hand on Lucy's bare shoulder and Wyatt goes crazy, rocking the chair he was tied to back and forth, not even trying to think rationally about a possible escape. "We watched you go through the same defiance when Jessica died," Cahill continues, and all movement in the dusty warehouse ceases. Rufus gulps as he chances a glance at Wyatt, and all of the fight has left his friend's body. His face is pale and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

"It _is_ interesting how you think you know the truth, isn't it?" Emma jumps in, bounding right up to Wyatt, her ponytail swaying. She bends down, trying to catch his gaze with a devilish smile. "You think Jessica's always been dead, don't you?"

Wyatt's head snaps up at that, and all eyes are on the pair as Emma grins, shaking her head down at him.

"You stupid man," she chastises, giggling. "You really don't remember everything that happened _before_ Flynn took the time machine? He had _already_ changed your life when you got the call from Mason Industries."

Lucy begins to stir, and Wyatt's eyes flit to her before moving back to Emma, and Rufus can see the war between his thoughts evident in his expression. "What are you talking about?" he grits out, glancing periodically as Lucy slowly comes to, flinching away from her father's hand on her shoulder.

"Flynn killed someone the second he landed in Jersey," Emma continues leisurely circling around Wyatt's chair and Rufus' heart sinks as he realizes what she's saying.

It takes Wyatt a few more minutes.

"There was a pregnant woman standing nearby when the Mothership landed for the very first time." Lucy starts to get it, sitting up in her chair. "Flynn was enraged, and his little cronies were still keeping an eye on Anthony," she pauses, glancing back at Flynn. "His faith was dwindling. He had second thoughts as soon as they escaped." Wyatt frowns and looks at Flynn. Flynn's face entirely drains of color as he remembers what Emma is describing, and he hangs his head.

"Stop with the dramatics and just tell me," Wyatt grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"One less child was born. That child didn't grow up to have a daughter. _That_ daughter wasn't born and so she didn't marry a young man that works for us," Emma gestures between herself and Cahill. Lucy scoots her chair away from him as her eyes stay locked on Wyatt as the truth begins to dawn on him. "That man, who wasn't married when he was given a mission to kill the defenseless woman on the side of Portero Rd, didn't have any qualms about completing his task." Wyatt stiffens as Emma smirks down at him, and Rufus can see the vein popping in his forehead.

"Flynn," Lucy's voice breaks and Wyatt looks at her, his eyes wide, his jaw locked. Flynn looks up at her, and he doesn't need to say a word.

They all know.

"It's _your_ fault?" Wyatt hisses, turning to Flynn, his eyes narrowed into slits, his teeth grinding together in anger.

"I didn't know that woman was pregnant," Flynn whispers, heartbroken, and Wyatt loses any control he might have had. Emma cuts his bindings and Rufus sees Wyatt pull his gun before the scene abruptly changes.

Rufus, Lucy, and Flynn are alone now, in a different warehouse. Rufus and Flynn are chained to a pole while Lucy is chained to her own, and she's crying as she stares at something Rufus can't see.

"Please, you don't have to do this," she whimpers as a man walks toward her, and Rufus straightens up as he can tell from the set in his shoulders who it is: it's their former teammate. "Flynn didn't know, and you _know_ that, Wyatt. He never would've killed that woman if he knew he'd be taking your wife away from you."

"She wasn't dead in the original timeline, Lucy," Wyatt murmurs, his voice cold, not even glancing in her direction as he moves closer to her. "Jessica would be alive and well today if he hadn't even stolen that goddamn time machine." Lucy flinches back at his words, and Rufus can read the hurt in her eyes.

If Flynn hadn't stolen the goddamn time machine, Wyatt wouldn't have been on their team. The three of them would never have even met.

"Who knows what would've happened to Lucy, though," Rufus calls out, and Wyatt finally turns to meet his eyes. "She's been Rittenhouse all along, Wyatt. They might have killed her when she inevitably tried to resist." Wyatt flinches at that, his eyes darting to Lucy's, and the three of them recognize their teammate once more. Rufus presses on, "Jessica might have died eventually. If Rittenhouse wants something, they make sure it's done." Wyatt shakes his head, smiling softly at Rufus as his previous facade quickly melts away.

"Lucy's been Rittenhouse all along," Wyatt repeats, smirking openly now, glancing at Flynn. "And so have I." Rufus frowns at that. "I never knew until Emma and Cahill took me aside to explain Jessica's family. I married into it, can you believe that?" Wyatt leans closer, grinning as he cocks his pistol, chuckling when Rufus flinches. "You can't fight fate." He aims the gun at Flynn.

There's a loud _bang_ , and then silence.

* * *

It seems like hours before they all wake up to Jiya wrenching the door to the Lifeboat open. She reaches for Rufus first, pulling him out as Wyatt wakes up enough to help Lucy get her bearings and get her out of the ship.

"What was that?" Wyatt barks as he helps Lucy down the steps, his arm wrapped securely around her waist.

"The Lifeboat malfunctioned," Connor explains from his spot behind the computers. He's furiously typing away, not bothering to look up from the screen. "Terribly sorry, I think Emma did something to the mechanics somehow."

"What happened in there?" Agent Christopher asks, glancing worriedly between the three time-travelers.

"Where's Flynn?" Rufus blurts out, glancing around. Flynn pops out from behind another computer, frowning softly at the trio. "Wyatt killed you," he gasps as he pulls the older man into a hug. Flynn's frown deepens, confused at the affection the young scientist is suddenly showing him. Wyatt straightens up, affronted.

" _What_?" he squeaks. "I didn't _kill_ _Flynn_. Why would you say that? What did you _see_?" Rufus disentangles himself from his embrace with Flynn, shaking his head, his eyes wide.

"Rufus," Lucy tries instead, placing a gently hand on his arm. "What _did_ you see?"

"What do you mean 'see', Lucy?" Agent Christopher asks, her brow furrowed. "What happened in there?"

Lucy glances between her teammates, her eyes eventually locking on Rufus', and she takes a deep breath. "Well, I saw Rufus," she began simply. "He kind of went off the deep end. It was terrible," she murmurs, and Wyatt tightens his hold on her, pulling her closer as she rests her head on his chest.

"Rufus saw me kill Flynn, apparently," Wyatt picks up, then glances down at Lucy. "I saw you die," he whispers and Lucy straightens in his arms. "Then, your damn father tried to tell me that's what would happen if you continued to avoid your Rittenhouse destiny." Rufus perks up at that, staring at Wyatt.

"That's what he said about _you_ ," Rufus breathes and both Lucy and Wyatt look up at him in shock.

"You killed too many people," Lucy blurts out at Rufus, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "I watched you murder innocent people and, in the end, you joined Rittenhouse."

"Could these have been warnings?" Flynn asks, stepping forward to confer with his team. "Foreshadowing?" Wyatt vehemently shakes his head.

"No way," he says, frowning softly at Flynn, looking slightly offended. "We're a _team_ , man. I can't kill you _now_." Flynn chuckles despite the situation and Wyatt cracks a grin in return. Lucy giggles softly, too, and soon the entire team is cracking up over the ridiculousness these little visions really entailed.

Lucy wasn't submitting to Rittenhouse, and in staying away from them, she wasn't going to die. Rufus wasn't killing anyone else - Wyatt would make sure of that, now - nor would he submit to Rittenhouse. And Wyatt would never turn his back on his team out of desperation to save his loved ones. He wasn't joining the ranks of Rittenhouse either.

"I guess, until we figure out what went wrong, we can chalk this up to a proper mission to have on Halloween," Jiya pipes up, and the team turns to her, their laughter subsiding.

"Yeah," Lucy agrees, squeezing her arm wrapped around Wyatt's middle. "Happy Halloween, guys." He smiles down at her, then moved forward to envelop the other two members of their team in a big group hug.

"At least that was better than the remake of _IT_ ," Rufus blurts as the hug disbands. "Gotta give it to Rittenhouse: they do know how to put on a show."

The team nods in agreement as they all link arms and head to the wardrobe dock to change and head out to Portola's to try and forget what they'd seen.


End file.
